*Cop House* is a short story collection about people desperately trying to recapture–or replace–the things they’ve lost. There are secret vacations, library book fetishes, women who participate in fully-clothed, free-form touching and explorative play experiences in exchange for protection from teenage vandals, and a doomsday cult operating out of an aquatic centre. An exiled polar bear spies on his old community and fights to survive in unfamiliar territory. A man campaigns to keep the sitcom *Friends* on the air after the collapse of his family. A masochistic deer wants to feel something other than the slow digestion of cud: The thing I really fantasize about is that one night a driver will stop and reverse slowly over my tail. And then maybe they get out, and slam one of my legs in the car door. Oh god. Maybe they tie me up like they’re going to mount me on the roof rack, but instead they just douse me in windshield washerfluid. Infused with dark humour, each of the sixteen stories included in the collection explores the absurdity of life when the things that really matter are placed just out of reach. *Cop House* is a book about the lengths people will go to undo the things that can’t be undone.